Reflections -

I've decided to share some reflections on the journey of the past few months. Originally, I thought this would speak mostly to other cancer patients, because it was something I discovered being a patient and wanted to tell others. But as this entry developed, I sensed it might resonate with others. Maybe, somewhere, it will have meaning for you.


From the beginning, June 10, 2009, I focused on me. I don't think that was selfish, but instead a requisite. I concentrated on a plan of attack, the preparation for battle, getting my head in the right place, and the logistics of a lengthy campaign. I know the diagnosis had a significant impact on me, but it took time and concentration to know the extent of the impact and which reactions were real and which were imaginary. (I'm still sorting through that today.)

Now, I don't think I'm an insentsitive guy, though others may have something to offer to the contrary. I may not see Faith's hair the moment she walks in from the salon, but I'll usually notice before the day is out. Hey, in a guy's world, that's sensitive!

Yet in the midst of this battle, I missed several things. I knew this cancer thing had hit Faith hard, even though she has rarely shown it. What I didn't see is how it impacted the other people around me.......family, co-workers, close friends. And I didn't see it until just recently. Oh, I had tremendous support from all sectors, but I was blind to see how these people were really affected. And not as an excuse, but to some extent I think these caring people shielded me, thinking I had enough on my plate.

Regardless, I now know this cancer and the past few months have hit close to home and deeply touched more than just Faith and me. My parents, Faith's parents, my kids, my brothers, their kids, close friends and all the others. I see now these people have had their lives touched, and in some cases, profoundly so.

I can't apologize for taking you through this, because believe me, it wasn't my idea or my decision to be on this journey. But I am sorry for not seeing what you were going through. Just as you have supported me, this is my way of supporting you. We'll be okay....and stronger for what we've experienced. I call it the blessings of cancer. Yes, there are some, as strange as that sounds, and I pray you have been blessed through this ordeal as we have.

To come full circle, I want other cancer patients to know you're not going through this alone. I know there are times it feels like a solo ride, but I now know there are others around us taking this very ride with us. The better I get, the more I see; the more I see, the more I'm touched.

God bless all of you.