Real Food -

Yeah! Hurray! We did it!

I'm talking about eating real food.....an entire meal. Now it doesn't sound like much, unless the last time you ate a complete meal was last July. In my head, this was the marker that would indicate I was really on the mend.

It actually happened last Friday at lunch. Faith said let's get something to eat. All the way to the restaurant I'm thinking what can I order.....it's too late for breakfast so oatmeal is out. So I had a hot turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes and gravy and corn. And I ate most of it! Now it didn't taste right, but it wasn't bad. I thought it was unusual to have beef gravy on turkey, but with my taste buds, it didn't matter.

I was nervous that this might be a fluke so we tried it again on Saturday. I got away with ham and eggs and hash browns. I've eaten two meals a day ever since. We are on our way. Just don't pass the desert. I don't taste sugar and most sweets that don't taste sweet don't taste very good.

We saw the doctor on Monday. Overall it was a very positive day. Specifically, there's no surgery on the table and we've moved to a long range appointment schedule to monitor our progress. The doctor says he relies on what he can see and feel and he liked what he saw and felt. The radiation doctor likes PET scans. So, between the two, we think we have good sentries at the gate.

This doctor says the healing starts now. I told him it's been slow and God didn't give me a lot of patience. He said he didn't have a lot of patience either....except for people like me. Imagine that. An oncologist with a sense of humor.

He also said the healing was a really a process. I think that's a fancy medical term for slow. I've learned that this healing process is not on a continuum. It's been more like two steps forward and one step back, something I found frustrating until I learned to expect it.

We won't see this doctor again until after the PET scan. And we know the cancer treatments are over until then. In addition to the scans, we also will get chest xrays and some kind of thyroid test on a regular basis. This is all good news.

Thank you all for your support and prayers. The power of prayer is stupendous.

The Cure -

I know it's been some time since I made an entry, but I just haven't had much new to add. There has been speculation that it's because I haven't been feeling well, but that's not the case. I'm continuing to heal and feel better.

On a day-to-day basis I really sense no improvement, but if I think back to a week ago, I see definite progress. I'm nibbling at more food and not tiring as quickly. I've been into the radio station several times and even spent some most enjoyable time digging dandelions out of the station lawn. (It's amazing what activities can bring joy these days!)

We see the surgery oncologist a week from tomorrow. He's the one that removed the initial tumor. Hopefully, we'll learn if neck surgery is in our future. The lump has all but disappeared, so I'm hopeful the knife won't be necessary again.

I've had some time to reflect these past ten days, and would like to share some of those thoughts.

The treatment for cancer is nothing but barbaric! Simply put, they cut you, burn you, or pump poison into you until your body can't take any more. Then they send you home to recover.

We look back on the medical practices of a hundred years ago and see crude remedies and wonder "How could they do that do that to other human beings?" I hope in a hundred years, or even fifty years, society says the same about what we are doing today.

I hope, but I'm not confident. From what I see, cancer treatment hasn't changed in forty years. Despite all the money and research.....the treatment is the same cutting , burning and poisoning of forty years ago. I say this because my Dad went through this forty years ago and I thank God he and Mom are still with me today to share their journey and offer their support. I appreciate that the treatment is administered better and more efficiently, and hopefully with much less discomfort, but it's still the same basic remedy.

I'm not offering any conclusions or criticisms, just some observations. I do pray the days of barbaric therapy for cancer are numbered.....and my heart goes out to those who have had it much worse than me and to those yet to come down this cursed path.

Finding out When? -

We met with the radiation doctor yesterday, and even though it was close to "You're looking good, make another appointment", we did learn a few things.

She said I'm right on track for how I'm healing and feeling, and that the terrible taste of food is pretty normal. She also said it takes about a month after the last radiation treatment to heal. I guess that means a couple more weeks of liquid dining. The doctor also said I was healthy, but I sure don't feel healthy. She also accused me of having an attitude. Who? Me? Faith thought it was funny. I'm not sure what I thought.

We did find out that we won't find out until the end of November if this chemo and radiation worked. That's when they do another PET scan to see if the cancer is gone.

Back in the car, I grumbled about not knowing anything till after Thanksgiving. Faith said, "Don't worry about it." I said, "What!?!?" She said, "Give it to God." She was right again.

It's out of my control, so what is there to worry about? I need to channel my energy into things I can do and areas where I can be productive.

Whoa! I think I just gave myself a little pep talk. I guess I needed one.

Healing Slowly -

I'm getting better, I know I am, but on a day-to-day basis the change is imperceptible. I'd say it's like watching paint dry, except it's worse.

Everyone says I look good. In fact I've heard it so many times, I'm starting to believe it. Now, I just need to know what they mean. Do they mean I really look good? Or is it akin to telling your ninety year old grandmother she looks good....when you really mean she looks good for ninety. Or maybe it means I look better than they expected. Or maybe it's, you look really good for having cancer and chemo and radiation. The bottom line is the qualifier.......you look good compared to what? Since I don't know, I've decided it means I look good......compared to George Clooney. And thanks! I feel better already.

I do feel better. If I think back to Tuesday, speaking still required tremendous effort. I won't say it's effortless now, but it's not difficult. It's been nice to have an evening conversation with Faith and not struggle.

I made a trip to Pinedale on Thursday in connection with work. Shane did the driving or I wouldn't have gone, but it was still a long day.

Yesterday, I helped Chad a little with his deck rebuilding project....key words are "a little". Still, a couple of hours and I was wiped out. Not happy about that, but Faith finds ways to spin it to the positive and make it seem encouraging.

I continue to experiment with different food. It all tastes the same......and that's not good........so I'm basically eating nothing. Getting the morsels to my stomach is not a problem, it's getting them by the gateway. My taste buds are not cooperating.

It's been two weeks now since the last treatment. I know that's not long, but there are times when it feels endless. We see the doctor again on Wednesday and are hopeful it'll be more than "you look good....see me again in two weeks". Hopefully we'll find out when we can learn some results and plan a blue band burning bonfire.